I’m going to be really vulnerable here and share something that is going to make it easy for you to judge me.
It’s been on my heart and I just need to let it out.
The heaviness of not understanding why it’s not that easy for me and the frustration of having done what they said and yet, I’m still not where I want to be.
I feel the angst of the rah rah rah that you feel each time one shows up in front of you and you get triggered.
Because…life is real.
Because motivation wears off. Because inspiration is tiring. Because something is lacking and none of it makes sense and you keep telling yourself that “surely it will be different soon.”
But then it’s not.
My exhaustion of this type of post probably comes from years of doing the same. Years of wondering how, when, and what would it take to, if I’m being really honest—actually turn my life around. I didn’t just want things to be better, I’m all or nothing. So, while some may want a little upgrade, I wanted a complete remodel.
As I found things in my life getting harder, I was also sinking deeper and things were feeling heavier, rather than feeling lighter.
It didn’t make sense. I was following all the right people and listening to the right stuff. Heck, I was all in. I had become a yoga teacher, I returned to India and became a Certified Oneness Trainer. Basically I was #spiritualAF, a #spiritalgangster, #spiritualbadass, and all that other stuff.
I knew how to smudge that sh*t out and essential oil things out of existence. I had all the decks and crystals a girl could possibly need and I journaled like an addict. I knew what to think, where to focus, and how to apply it—so then what?
My what became a dance with what I was actually doing. I needed to become uncomfortably honest with myself.
What was beneath the surface. What did I truly want, not what I was saying I wanted, what lived beneath that?
My how became a dance with how was I unconsciously trying to get out of doing the work (because it is work) and get a free pass to move on.
And my when became a dance with when would I finally be willing to see all of that, all that I had been doing and just how I had been doing it—basically everything that was adding to my sinking feeling!
No one warns you about these things when you begin to expand. When you begin to awaken. When you dive into the work of spiritual growth. That just about every idea and concept that has caught your attention is having the exact opposite effect on your life.
No one tells you that everything you have already learned is going to be put to the test and all of the things that you thought you had overcome will show up several more times. No one tells you that the spiritual teaching, concept, and lesson you just learned has just become your biggest block in moving forward because you are clinging to it and your mind is manipulating it to validate your current situation.
No one shouts from the rooftops that to be truly spiritual is extremely plain and boring and often hard as hell. It’s really not a great sales pitch. However, it is painfully honest.
Everyone is happy to tap their toes and tell you what they have done to get to where they are, but there are very few that will tell you this.
It doesn’t matter what I’ve done, what matters is discovering what’s happening for you and what you need to do to experience your life the way that you desire to.
It’s easier to sell people on what you have, rather than what you have gone through, what you needed to discover about yourself—because our minds find the end result much more desirable.
I’m going to share with you a deeply spiritual lesson that will both make no sense at all and make complete sense: the work you are doing to get to what you want, is precisely what is keeping you from it.
Instead, maybe try this:
>> The first step is choosing to walk this path.
>> The second step is to start running down it.
>> The third step is to fall on your face.
>> The fourth step is to lay there long enough for the haze to wear off and begin to see clearly for the first time in your life.
>> The fifth step is to repeat.
So while the rah rah rah stories are a better sales pitch, all I have to sell you is a journey where you arrive home to you.
It’s a journey of the recognition and remembrance of who you truly are.
But you have to be willing to buy into you, buying into me or anyone else’s journey will never work.
I see you, I love you, I am you.
PS. To support you I have curated Finding Your Truth, a Journey Home. A free 5 Day Self Discovery. Finding your truth through words and writings, guided by simple journal prompts over a 5 day period. Let your pen write the page and watch what unfolds before your eyes. Begin your journey home to yourself here.
My original Elephant Journal article is here